An Open Letter...revisited

this is a previous post (7-28-2005) but my ears are ringing with pleasant anticipation for the resurfacing of one of my all time favorite artists, so I must post this again...

LAURYN HILL

Yea though you walk through the valley of fools who ridicule that which confuses them. Know this, God's child..Your battle is not to make fools understand or to school humans on the art of humanity and Karma. You are only responsible for a mastering an understanding of self and remembering to appreciate this responsibility as it is the single most important task for every individual in the world. No matter how famous, talented, rich, poor, weak, strong, infamous, angelic, demonic or whatever. It is then that these wooden soldiers of society will either crumble around you or get in line and march to your tune...Pay them no mind and continue to rhyme.

Peace, Love and Happiness,

Dayna

Honey Child!!!!!!!!

I snuck in the conference room at work and caught most of the Oprah show today.

Okay, so I have marinated in issues of closeted men for most of my adult life. It started with the reading of E. Lynn Harris' first novel, "Invisible Life". And just recently in my thirties I have been able to get a grip (because I was trippin') and then I see this drama on Oprah.

Best selling writer, Terri McMillan's ex-husband Jonathan Plummer decided he was gay three years into the marriage. And admitted today on Oprah that he engaged in homosexual acts while married to her. OH MY GOD!!!! If you realize your gay well into the marriage....please leave before you ACT on your feelings. Her ex-husband claims he didn't want to hurt Terri's feelings. I don't care what he says, he wasn't trying to leave that cash cow and I'm sure he's loving his U.S citizenship. Why are we always trying to have our cake and eat it too. Karma is no joke. I don't care how young he is and how he needed to find himself, he's not being honest to her or himself about his reasons for going out and putting Terri's life in triple the danger than if he wanted another woman. Triple, Quadruple and then some.

I just started dating again and it makes me ill...It really does. The risk .....The risk...The risk of AIDS is the main issue I have..aside from the lying and being betrayed...what this male may have bought home on the tip of his you know what because he lacked the courage to just kick in the door and tell that woman he is leaving right now because Vagina repulses him. I love a gay man who is repulsed by a women's family jewels. It's upfront and honest. This is really disgusting and horrifying..Please...

Open letter to the man I wind up with.......If during our relationship you have an epiphany and want a man or another woman or a goat or a sheep or whatever...please dig deep into your inner power supply and find the courage to either:

A. Come to me and tell me and let me decide if I can deal with it. (which of course I'm not)
or
B. Pack up all your belongings while I'm away and then come find me and tell me you're no longer into this and let me go through it on my own.

But don't bring down the wrath of God on yourself by lying and cheating and jeopardizing my life because you didn't want to hurt my feelings. I can deal with hurt feelings...I can't deal with infections and cooties. And that is that. Don't cheat...just LEAVE.

I understand finding yourself or realizing your this or that or you may not be who you thought...That's life. Hey, me too! But...handle it like an adult with sense not like the Friggin' cowardly Lion.

People keep saying how crazy Terri McMillan is because she's acting like a betrayed woman.....I guess I'm crazy as well, because I would really have to go on to some mountain in Tibet and meditate for three years to keep from....who knows what.

I will say this for Ms. McMillan....Some of the best novels come from serious hurt and pain...I was doing my thing last year when I was all depressed. But it's still in the pain reservoir...I'll call on it soon. She'll have a good one to write when she sits still for a minute and starts working through all of her "Cheating Gay Ex-Husband" pain. Keep hope alive.

Though I have to say honestly when I first saw Terri McMillan's husband years ago...you couldn't tell me he wasn't gay anyway..same with Vivica Fox's ex. Just my opinion. Not stating any facts.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Officially a California resident..

I don't have medical coverage, my taxes are a MESS, I make all kinds of illegal U-turns out here and I jaywalk like a mug .....but I certainly took a detour on my way to work this morning and made sure I was a part of the decision making on Governor Shwarzenegger's (sounds so strange) reform agenda. And I read the little Voter book that came to my house to try to get as good of an understanding as I could from all that proposition this and propostion this drama. These politicians and the ads they ran on tv certainly tried to confuse the ever-lovin hell out of us po' dumb voters.....but I read when I feel like it and I don't have a television...so.....I felt like reading all about Propostion 74-80.....and my head promptly got to hurting after I finished. So no matter the outcome I put my 1cent in. I try.

If you're not part of the solution your part of the problem


If a quote could die from over use, I would be the murderer. The above quote is noted as an African Proverb but one of my dear (currently inactive) friends used that line on her beau in front of me one day and it is by far one of the best lines ever.

Pop - JARHEAD

I had absolutely no expectations or preconceived notions about this one...just had nothing else to do. And although I'm not into sending America's children into war to fight foreign children in their homeland to take control of things that don't belong to us. I do like a good war movie....MOVIE.......fiction.....MOVIE. Though I don't think I'll go see anymore war movies when there is a war going on. If the movie had been a whole lot better....I would be a whole lot more disturbed.

I flat out didn't care for Jarhead. I like Black Hawk Down better and I didn't really like that one either. Jarhead is far from a timeless classic but it is timely. I don't know what the filmmakers or studio tried to do here. Were they trying to take advantage of the fact that there is a war going on and for this reason a war movie be it good or bad will wind up making big money. Or are they just trying to upset the family members of soldiers at war right now. Because they certainly didn't intend to entertain an audience or raise any level of conscienceness. Whatever the case, I wish I had snuck into this movie so my ticket wouldn't help the numbers. People actually booed and gasped at the end of the movie. It's a shame because Jake Gyllenhaal (who didn't annoy me like he did in "The Day After Tomorrow"), Jamie Foxx...and all the supporting roles did what they could but it seems the movie was hopeless way before these actors even agreed to sign on. Jarhead, was a boring cliche with no character development. I didn't care or feel for any of the soldiers aside from feeling for the real soldiers in the war now. It did leave me with a bit of a petrified pit in my stomach in regards to the behavior of men at war. It left me wondering if men really behave like big bi-curious, attention deficient disorder perverts when left on their own without women while trying to hide their fears. I don't even care to comment further on this movie. The script should've been left on the shelf. Movie executives must be forgetting the concept of RED LIGHT....because a lot of crap is getting the GREEN LIGHT. And when I think about how much time, effort, water, food, sand, natural and unnatural resources etc....were used to make these "advantage taking" movies, it makes me nauseous. If it had to be made, I would accept it easier were it an independent film. A major motion picture it is not. I don't care how many major motion actors they tried to squeeze in there.


I could rip on this movie a whole lot more but I don't feel the effort.

East Coast Dreamin'

The last few weeks I have been missing my family and friends tremendously and missing the streets of NYC. I miss the whole fast-paced makes sense east coast lifestyle in general. And really not feeling the arrogant ignorance of the masses in Los Angeles. I actually called a friend and told her I was unhappy here in Los Angeles and maybe I should just move back. I have not said that out loud to anyone for the entire time I've been here. Her response: "WOW". Then I read my horoscope which said I would be feeling ill at ease in my current location and I swear it said don't consult family or friends as they will have little insight or understanding so it's best to decide on my own but wait on any decisions.

On Friday of last week, I was serious as hell about the possibility of moving back to the east coast. Dazed and Confused addressing myself in the first and third person. Some of the thoughts whirling around in my head:

Okay Dayna, originally it was the screenplay thing...along with your distraught state of mind that got you out here in the first place. Moving here was a necessary step in your personal growth. Okay, well now, I'm officially grown. I've proven it to myself so now I can go back to the east where people marinate in reality. I came to Los Angeles with nothing....I maintained, got work, made friends, basically set up shop and am a bit proud of my (stupidly lucky) self. Why am I torturing myself and why the hell am I in California anyway? I don't have to stay, I already set the wheels of my success in motion so let me get back to life....back to reality.


And let me describe (professional) success for Dayna ..Because it's not rising to the top in some executive office, slaving away year after year for some big fat cat's bank account. For me it's about relaxing (drink in hand) on a catamaran in St. Barth's with checks being directly deposited in my bank account for the legacy of children's books I have created.
Success (for Dayna) = very little to no work related stress because what you're doing is a labor of love. Like giving birth. I will soon give birth to this seriously enchanting children's book my aunt and I have created and I'll be able to live wherever the hell I want to live. At least that's the game plan.

So being here in Southern California was starting to weigh on me, it's not a fun place to be broke or even middle class...it's a fun place to be filthy stinkin' rich. And I'm really having a hard time adjusting to the mind set of these folks with brains baked by the sun and it's not a fun place to be alone. Though as I mentioned before I have made some really great friends...but you can't make really great family and all my peeps are on the east side of America. Well you can make family....I'm working on that one. And some great things have happened to me since I've been here. Some life changing fun events that weren't happening in New York City. So it's not all bad. But moments have been bad enough to tip the scales in favor of my moving back.....and then, this morning I step out of my house and the sun is blessing Los Angeles like nobody's business, on October 31st. 88 degrees today. And this girl loves the sun and loves being able to wear flip-flops and sandals year round. Being solar powered...the sun has tipped the scale back in favor of Los Angeles. I still have work to do here and if I can maintain through the down moments, I may be able to call Los Angeles my home at some point in the near future.

The sun really does make everything seem brighter. You've got that going for you Los Angeles. That's for certain and I'll take it.

I will always love NYC but I don't miss commuting in the snow. Really I don't.

Rosa Parks 1913-2005

One of the most vital women in civil rights history.



My Great-Grandmother turns 92 in a few days and not until the news of Rosa Parks passing did I imagine.....Minnie Pearl (yes that is really her name) my favorite woman in the world...who took me in at fourteen years old and cared for me like I was one of her own....being denied a seat after she worked no less than 12 hours cleaning and cooking for other able bodied but wealthy folks, just to go home and cook and clean for her five children and husband...actually being denied a seat or asked to get up for reasons I care not to mention...Dude. How beyond horrible. My heart is racing as I type this thought. I have to go call my Great-Grandmother and then go listen to some Run-Dmc and Public Enemy to channel the angst into calorie burning air boxing.

How important it is to stick to your guns and stand (or sit) your ground...in doing so, you might make your mark in history and change the lives of many for the better.

Me <--------Taking a page from that book and trying to do the same.

Thank you Rosa Parks. God Bless. Rest In Peace.

All my life I’ve been searching for somethin’

Somethin’ never comes, never leads to nuthin’
Nothin’ satisfies, but I’m gettin’ close
Closer to the prize at the end of the rope


Over the weekend I attended a Foo Fighters/Weezer concert. Wasn't a big Weezer fan going in.....Wasn't a fan at all going out. Lurve the Foo Fighters and was willing to give Weezer a chance because they were playing with my boys....I'm not feeling Nerd rock....at all. AT ALL!!!!!!! Say it again....AT ALL! Weezer's demographics.....teenage or adult teenage boys who have been (only in their minds) turned down by all women everywhere and choose to use Nerd Rock as a mental and physical outlet....ie...attending the concert, jumping up and down, screaming the lyrics as I run and duck from "nerdy, getting none" sweat. Gross. God Love'em, Girls stay out of their way.

And just as I was about to give up and wait in the car......Weezer's time finally ran out....Hip-Hop Hooray.....I'll admit I might not have minded Weezer so much if I wasn't waiting on the Foo Fighters.. Being served up Weezer before the Foo Fighters was like having to eat a bowl of Okra after dinner but before dessert. No thanks.

But when the lights dimmed and the guitar riff for "All my life" boomed throughout the venue...Do the damn thing!.....The Okra taste was quickly washed away by a shot of Amaretto.....and then....the lights go up and my boy.....the man........just as cool and humble and un-Rockstar as he wants to be....but is a MAJOR rockstar...and a solid one too.....Foo-Fighter front man - Dave Grohl comes in to full view....he...he is (white) chocolate molten cake. With a dollop of fresh whipped cream.



My Adidas got stomped on at least 5 times....lucky for those fools we weren't at a rap concert....You just couldn't get away with that floor standing thing at a hip-hop concert...somebody's gonna violate....and get violated.....but we we're at a rock concert, where the office folks go to release so I gave in and did the rock "jump around" or up and down or whatever it was......maybe I was just rockin' out and I'm having a hard time admitting it.....I was Rockin' out....Up on my friends Shoulders..How's the back, Kelly? ....Courtesy of my friend I had a clear view over the six foot tall Weezer fans.

I really do appreciate the Foo Fighters as a rock band. Because I'm not the big concert goer. I have to like the artist in a borderline obsessive way, not just like one of their hit songs. Otherwise I suffer from a mild case of Can'tstayandlisten tothesongsIdontknoweus. But I can with those guys...Great music......Great musicians. Undeniable. Happy I was there to witness. Go Long Beach!!!!


As I was searching for a photo of The Foo Fighters to post, I thought, wow, it must be tough for Dave Grohl sometimes, standing there in photos but having to stand in front of the rest of the band. It takes a special personality. I could do it.

WICKEDly Good

I just finished reading "Wicked". This book was so good to me that I stopped reading it for a week or so because I felt my life would permanently change upon completion of the book.
1. I would have some kind of profound enlightenment forever changing the way I interact with humanity.
2. I would have to search for another book that would grab me so intensely.
3. We all know about the demise of the Wicked Witch...but I was hoping for something else..... so.....I dragged it out.

The book didn't change me, per se, but it reminded me of life lessons I already knew. I could always go for a reminder. It also sparked my need to create a few really good novels. If this guy, Gregory Macguire, is teaching a class somewhere I must attend. Wherever (except Georgia).

In the beginning I feared "Wicked" might be to easy of a read. I'm not into extra-complicated reads but I'm really not into easy, simple in your face..1,2,3 reads. Or drama filled book sans the substance or reflective meanings. I keep abandoning my own novel for fear of creating a drama filled trashy novel just for the sake of ooooohhhhs and aaaaahhhs and giirrrrlllllll!!!!!

I strive to create a work that contains the juicy drama we love so but hidden in the lines are profound life lessons. This plagues me. I'm not hating on the ooooohh and aaaaahhhhhh's drama fiction writers (not knocking the hustle)... I refuse to give one example. You know who you are and readers know what they have read and why. I just don't strive to be one. Though it's so much easier to fill pages with pointless drama for the sake of drama, I'm not the one and I'll shred my words and never write again if that's what my writing sounds like...again....I'll read a drama drama novel. One that has a "Star" magazine effect on me, but I prefer jaw-dropping profound lines and realizations. In other words I want to be "quotable" and re-readable. I don't want to waste paper and kill trees for the sake of hype.

I am proud to say Mr. Macguire, writer of Wicked did not waste paper or kill trees in vain. What he has attempted with giving back story on stories which are staples in American History ie....Wizard of Oz, Cinderella....amazing feat. Hats and shoes off to you sir. I haven't read "Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister" yet. It will be a long while. "Son of a Witch" the continuation of "Wicked" is in the bookstore right now.

So....the story of the Wicked Witch....my new motto "Everything I need to know I learned in "Wicked".

Two sides to every story
Don't judge a book by it's cover
Racism and Prejudice will always be around as long as we're different in appearance.
Fools really do have a false sense of superiority.
People will drive you plum crazy if you allow them to and then look at you like "I don't know what's wrong with you."
Politics suck.

and

I also came to a peaceful understanding of home and what it means.
When someone does something devastating to you "sorry" doesn't fix it (Dorothy)


The biggest switch for me is that I am ready to watch "The Wizard of Oz" a movie I've long had a bad relationship with. Being a young black girl...of course I loved the everloving hell out of "The Wiz". Perfect as a musical movie made for entertaining. Love it.....FOREVER. You go Diana Ross, you're the best (black) Dorothy ever. Don't let anyone tell you different.

"The Wizard of Oz" is a whole other show Oprah. I always felt it was a very demonic movie that sent some kind of subliminal message to it's viewers. I, up until the reading of "Wicked" was completely horrified by the Green Wicked Witch of the West....she was awful....Thanks to backstory and the obvious...two sides to a story...I love the Wicked Witch and am completely intrigued with her (imaginary) plight. It's all about a bad wrap, delusional thoughts and people not leaving you to your own vices when you need to be left to them. And allowing your own guilt and issues to engulf your soul and destroy you. Craziness. Sad and Crazy yet wonderful and exciting.

The book drew me in and kept me, didn't bore me with mountains of descriptions (an issue I have in my writing, I haven't mastered the ability to slip descriptions in without making it obvious...so I'm not really describing much for fear of killing myself and my readers with a book load of words on the way the tree swayed in the wind. MacGuire layed out the description of Oz and it's surrounding territory with superior grace...he makes it seem easy (but I know better). He reminds me of my discovery so many years ago of one of my favorite writers, Wally Lamb. It's great to discover a writer whose style you really love.

Thanks to my friend Sarah for insisting I read it because it would've never happened otherwise. I've found a friend in Elphaba, the wicked witch of the west...that's right. So much so that one day I was reading the book sitting on a step outside of a Catholic school in Silverlake....All of a sudden (and I swear I'm not making this up) I hear a a group of kids with piano accompaniment singing...Ding, Dong the witch is dead......I stood up and peeked through the stained glass windows...a group of children, no more than 8 or 9 years old being led by their Choir teacher....a very flamboyant black man who was doing the damn thing on the piano....He could have just as easily have been rehearsing for a broadway play.....and as I started to cry, yes cry because of the bad wrap of the Wicked Witch, this brother switches the whole mode for me and has these little kids (all of Mexican decent) break out to "Ease on down the road"....with little dance moves and all. Tears of sadness turned into tears of joy and I started clapping and then realized I probably looked a little scandalous dancing outside the window of a Catholic church so I put the book away and got back to work. It was the cutest thing and I was seriously sitting there in silence reading my "Wicked" book. I couldn't make that up (I don't think).

Wicked's got it all.....blood, sweat, tears, death, politics, racism, sexism and so on and so forth and shoobeee, dooooobeee, doooobeee!!!!!

And as soon as I properly recover from "Wicked" coming to the end I knew it would...I will pickup "Son of a Witch".

MUSIC SAVES MY LIFE

on a daily basis.....
sometimes it's easier to let the music take you through it than letting your mind wander.


DAYNA'S PROFOUND REFLECTIONS - LIFE

1. THEY WON'T GO WHEN I GO - STEVIE WONDER
2. FANTASY - EARTH WIND AND FIRE
3. TAKIN' IT TO THE STREETS - DOOBIE BROTHERS (lyrics by Michael McDonald)
4. FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH - BUFFALO SPRINGFIELD
5. UMI SAYS - MOS DEF
6. WHY DO I FEEL SO SAD - ALICIA KEYS
7. WHAT'S GOING ON - MARVIN GAYE
8. SOUND OF SILENCE - SIMON&GARFUNKEL
9. YESTERDAY - BEATLES
10. LET IT BE - ARETHA FRANKLIN'S VERSION


DAYNA'S PROFOUND REFLECTIONS - LOVE (or something like it)

1. EX-FACTOR (A SIMPLE MIX) - LAURYN HILL
2. BREAKDOWN -MARIAH CAREY
3. KING OF SORROW - MARIAH CAREY
4. WHAT A FOOL BELIEVES - DOOBIE BROTHERS
5. THIS MASQUERADE - GEORGE BENSON
6. IT AIN'T NO USE - STEVIE WONDER
7. WHAT YOU WON'T DO FOR LOVE - BOBBY CALDWELL
8. LOVE IS STRONGER THAN PRIDE - SADE
9. STAY - CHAKA KHAN
10. THE BOSS - DIANA ROSS
11. YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT - ROLLING STONES



Blissful reflections of Life and Love coming soon......(when I feel a little less profound)

Home, there's no place like it... unfortunately

So I have to make do. I have been forced into a state of “home is where the heart is”. In the effort to conserve my happiness supply, I am officially a nomad. My home is where I am. Right now my home is on an airplane, in a holding pattern,(negotiated) window seat. I despise aisle seats. Especially when the middle seat is occupied. The stray arms, bags and asses that knock into my shoulder, head, arms and locs...Good Lord... it's just too much for this mostly calm yet eagerly excitable Bull......... "eagerly excitable" Does that make sense because I know what I mean but do you?

As I am already a bit on edge and distraught at this pilgrimage of sorts….. what’s causing a bit of an annoying distraction to my suspended state of belief of home being home no more, is the man who occupies the seat next to me..well thankfully..next, next to me. He has the aisle seat. He is the keeper of the key to my exit. I am trapped next to a sedentary mountain man. With his salt and pepper beard and Darrell Gwynn (car) racing cap. The courteous and thoughtful parts of me sometimes really get in the way. I usually wait until the aisle seat gets up for his or her walk or trip to the bathroom……this dude is not about movement. And his hateful energy is kicking my ass. I’m not saying he hates me. But he’s definitely suffering from some sort of ethnicius hatius virus. Poor thing. It oozes from his pores. I can smell it and see it. Every other capillary in his pale face is ruptured (gross) It is in my opinion these things come about if not genetically or from alcohol, then by advocating hate and contempt for your fellow man for no real reason besides a quiet, hidden inner jealousy. He takes naps and then continues with his choice of plane reading material: “His Excellency” a book about George Washington. Who owned more slaves than honest, "cherry-tree chopping", George Washington? .......not Thomas Jefferson ..Not Andrew Jackson. Apparently George Washington owned 316 at his time of death. Sounds about right to me. Although there are certainly a lot of Jacksons and Jeffersons in da' hood. But I digress...
I need this guy to move. I need to handle my business. There is still one more hour left on this flight. But I don’t want to talk to him. From the initial rolling of his eyes as I asked “Sir, can I slide in here please?” (and it’s not because he was hoping for a whole row to himself.) To my constantly having to hold my breath when he inhales, exhales or moves about a bit because he has the age old stereotypical white male smell. I thought it was a myth. Never believed it, as some of my best friends and relatives are white men, but dude….Maybe the "smell" which I have had the displeasure of getting a whiff of only once before in my life (on a bus leaving New York and heading to New Jersey) comes from the same thing ruptured capillaries come from. I can accept that. I would even like to believe it….. A sort of natural punishment for ignorant and hateful ways. Yeah, I like that. Because I’ve never experienced that odor on one of MY beloved peoples of no color. God bless the guy, but I don’t trust him enough to leave my things…he may, as a slight or a way to alleviate his disappointment with not having enough money to charter his own plane, by blowing his nose on my sweartshirt or wiping his boots on my computer bag. Or maybe he’s just a nice guy who’s energy I’m reading wrong because I’m doing what has been done to me….Judging a book by it’s color or lack thereof. NOT…It’s the energy that caused me to take a good look at him anyway(once he dozed off of course.)

Some might say I’m paranoid but I’m not. I’m in tune with my environment and I actively work at being in tune with emotions and auras. It’s a gift and a curse but it helps me lighten the load of trouble from houseload to garage-load.

As of late I have been putting my feelings first….the result….I am in purgatory..some kind of strange cleansing ritual I must go through before pure bliss is allowed to surface. I believe bliss to be a constant state of being that lies just below the surface (whatever surface) and at times unblissfull things pile on top of our bliss causing it to burrow deeper under. A ritualistic clearing and cleansing must go on before it can resurface. The more fortunate and wise of us go through cleansing process much more frequently. The martyrs, mothers and writers of the world, I would guess…….let a whole lot of unblissful things pile up before they pull out the souls scrubbing Loofah. I for sure will brood and wallow and do the backstroke in blissclogging gunk. It will be caked under my nails and my hair before I realize I need to find my Soul Loofah. And since I go so long without using it, it’s certainly a bitch trying to find it when I need it.

So I’m on my way “home”…The home I’ve known for the first leg of my life….now begins the next. I will no longer pine for “home”like a little girl at sleepaway camp (although I loved sleepaway camp). I will act as an intelligent grown woman who has been provided with the proper foundation to go off and make her own home. I’m officially grown. And admittedly a bit horrified with the idea of “last trip home.” From now on whenever I visit the New York/New Jersey area it will be just that….a visit to the east coast. Not my home. Just a cool place where the seasons change and you can get a decent hot dog and slice of pizza. And what's even better and stranger all in one is that I'm currently reading "Wicked" and loving and I mean loving it. It's beyond words and just what I needed to help me deal with the painful realization of "HOME". I plan on reviewing the book when I finish. Home shmome........actively creating numerous homes.